Given the Chance
by Mad Mary Kidd
Summary: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Cloud Kadaj. Kadaj survives the events of Advent Children, but his presence in Cloud and Tifa's lives is somewhat disruptive... Shonen ai, het, angst
1. Chapter 1

By: Mad Mary Kidd

Pairings: Cloud + Kadaj

Warnings: Shonen ai, kissing, unrequited het, angst

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, or Advent Children or any of it's associated companies or anything. I don't make any money off this, I do it cos I'm a rabid fangirl and I lurrrve it.

Intro: After AC, but Kadaj releases Sephiroth's spirit from his body instead of dying at the end. And I know Kadaj's eyes are green, not grey, but I just fell in love with the phrase "storm grey eyes", and "storm green eyes" just isn't the same. Poetic licence?

Given The Chance, Part I

Kadaj awoke to the sound of muffled music, and many voices all chattering and laughing. He looked around, and down at himself - he was lying in a bed under a soft grey cover. Suddenly he was aware of a dull red pain in his right shoulder; he tried to move it but the pain flared up like an angry beast, so he lay still again, forced to be content with exploring as much as he could of his surroundings from where he lay.

There was a ceiling fan that turned slowly around and around noiselessly, or it seemed so; until the voices and the music died down he wouldn't be able to tell. There was a window in the wall to his right, and a slatted blind made lines of artificial light on the ceiling. Night time, then. Now that he had a small sense of time, albeit an arbitrary one, he began to wonder where he was. This led naturally to where he had been before this, and he was a little frightened to realise he couldn't remember. All at once he was fully awake, as if his consciousness had been waiting to ambush him. He tried not to panic, but began to search in his mind and memory for anything that might help him.

_Kadaj, my name is Kadaj,_ he thought. _That's something._ _My name is Kadaj, and my shoulder hurts. _

Knowing that he wouldn't find out anything further until he explored a bit, he shifted the injured shoulder again, gingerly this time, to see if it would allow him to sit up. It did, but only under protest; and his whole arm seemed hot and heavy, somehow. The grey coverlet fell away from his bare chest, and he realised his right arm was in a cast. As he sat up, his weight shifted and the cast pulled suddenly on the shoulder, making him bite his lip and sweat with the agony. When his thoughts had cleared and he was able to move again, he cradled his arm carefully.

_Dislocated shoulder_ and _a broken arm. Doing well so far, I wonder what else got broken? What the hell happened to me, anyway?_

A careful investigation revealed nothing major, a few aches and bruises but nothing worse. A visual inspection revealed a pair of loose, pale grey pants with a drawstring top, but no other clothing. He was fairly certain these did not belong to him, and he wondered briefly who had dressed him in them.

A light suddenly spilled in from the doorway, making him realise how dim it had been in the room where he lay, and the background noises moved up a notch. He dropped the coverlet back in place and looked up at the silhouette in the doorway.

"You're awake," said a woman's voice.

She shut the door, and as Kadaj's eyes readjusted to the gloom he could see her properly. She seemed familiar, but he couldn't remember why. She had long dark hair and a pretty face, and she wore a black zip up top and pants, and black and white sneakers. A pink ribbon circled her upper left arm. He blinked at her, unsure what to say.

"I half expected to come up here and find you gone," she said conversationally. "I've been checking on you from time to time, but the bar keeps me pretty busy. Not that I think for a minute you care about that."

Kadaj blinked at her words. They seemed harsh, but her tone was light and airy. She hadn't looked at him yet since she came in, and was busying herself lighting a little lamp. Finally she sat down in a chair near the bed.

"Cloud's going to want to talk to you, y'know," she said. "And you're lucky there because he's about the only one of us that doesn't want to kill you. God knows why."

So he was with enemies, then. Except for this Cloud. What had he done? Why did this woman and her friends want to kill him, and if this were true why had she bothered to look after him? This Cloud must hold considerable sway around here.

"Who are you?" He ventured at last. The woman snorted.

"If you think I'm going to fall for that, Kadaj, you've got another think coming," she said. "I'm not stupid, so don't treat me as if I am. Your well being rests with me, and you'd do well to remember that."

"Please," he tried again. This time the woman's face softened a little. Not much; now she looked doubtful instead of outright hostile.

"You really don't remember?"

Kadaj shook his head mutely, leaning forward a little and wincing anew at the pain in his arm. The woman stared at him for a long time, as if she were trying to detect the truth from his expression.

"What happened to me?" He whispered at last.

Tifa stared at the young man in her spare bed, his once cruel expression now entirely devoid of malice. He looked even younger, and utterly innocent; but she knew he was a master of manipulation and not to be trusted. He would be trying anything to get information out of her. But something was nagging at her to have pity on him, some sense that didn't rely on the physical for it's source. And besides, what would he gain from feigning amnesia? To be told things he already knew? Or was he hoping she would slip up and reveal something he wasn't supposed to know? If it was a ploy of some kind, it was a poor one. Having weighed up the possibilities, she decided to go along with it.

"My name is Tifa," began the woman slowly, her eyes never leaving Kadaj's. He supposed she was watching for a flicker of recognition, but there was nothing familiar about her name. "You should have died," she continued. "I don't know why you didn't. We brought you back here after your brothers shot Cloud and almost killed him. Cid said we should leave you for the crows, but I knew Cloud wouldn't have wanted that. If he'd died, though..." She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't need to.

"Anyway, he didn't die and neither did you. Your brothers, well. They didn't make it."

She offered no condolence, and Kadaj did not really expect any. Obviously he and his brothers had done some great wrong. He supposed he would be grieved when he remembered them, but for now they were faceless, formless, nameless representations in his mind. He nodded slowly.

"You... I guess it's a long story. There was a man once, who tried to destroy our world. His name was Sephiroth."

She was watching him again, but at the mention of the name Kadaj felt something white hot and wire thin shoot painfully through his mind. In a split second it was gone, but it left him breathless and gasping, hunched over the cast on his arm.

"Do you remember him?" asked Tifa, but she sounded far away now. Kadaj shook his head, which felt fuzzy. It was beginning to clear, though.

"Not... Not really," he managed. "I remember the name. Nothing more."

"Well, as I said, he tried to destroy our world. He was stopped, in the end. But you did everything you could to make him come back, and in so doing you hurt a lot of people. Most of them children. You were looking for Jenova's head, and you would have stopped at nothing to get it. You even summoned Bahamut."

"Bahamut?"

"Yes. You found Cloud's materia. Well, your brother did. You used it against us."

Kadaj's head felt too heavy all of a sudden. He tried to lay back down, but found he could hardly move. Tifa saw his struggle, and stood to help him, taking him by his good shoulder and easing him back down onto the pillows.

He was almost asleep, but there was one thing he had to know.

"Why didn't you let me die?" he asked, his eyes closed. There was a long silence, and just as he was beginning to think she'd gone away without hearing his question, Tifa answered it.

"Perhaps if the situations had been reversed you would have let Cloud die. But he's not like that. He shows mercy where you would have been merciless."

She extinguished the lamp and walked smartly toward the door. A brief light made Kadaj squeeze his eyes closed tighter, and the equally brief accompanying rise in the volume of the music and she was gone, leaving him to fall into an exhausted sleep.

It was after closing time when Cloud finally let himself into the bar.

Tifa had given him his own key, but he rarely used it. He said he didn't like the thought of being there without her; it made him feel like an intruder. He'd been coming to the bar a lot more these days, but usually before closing time and always to see Kadaj. Tifa wasn't sure whether to be grateful to the silver haired youth for being the cause of Cloud's more regular visits or jealous of him. Tonight she was behind the bar washing the last of the glasses and putting them away - she hated to have to do it the following morning - when Cloud entered noiselessly.

"Tifa."

She looked up and smiled. "Hi there."

"Been busy tonight?"

"Yeah. It's been a good night. How're you?"

Cloud nodded. "Good. I was up at the Golden Saucer today, delivering a package. I'd forgotten how bright and loud it is."

This made Tifa smile. "Yeah. We should go there sometime, take Marlene and Denzel. They'd love it." She watched as Cloud nodded and began pacing the bar slowly, looking at the floor.

"Is Kadaj awake?" he asked finally. Tifa's heart sank.

"He was. He's asleep now."

Cloud nodded again. "Better than unconscious. Did he say anything?"

"No. He can't remember anything about what happened. I started to explain but I got as far as Sephiroth and then he got really tired so I left him."

"You believe him? That he can't remember?"

"It would make sense. Besides, what could he gain from having what he already knows recited back to him?"

"I guess. You shouldn't trust him, though, Tifa."

"I don't."

There was a silence that stretched out for a long time. Tifa resumed polishing the glasses, though they didn't really need it now. She could feel Cloud watching her, but did not look up. At last he started pacing the floor of the bar again.

"I'm going to - "

"Go up and see Kadaj. I know."

"... Tifa..."

"Go on. He might have woken up again, you could talk to him yourself."

She would not look at him as he came behind the bar and walked slowly past her into the back room and up the stairs, but kept polishing the already sparkling glasses. She was glad she didn't have any tears to hide from him.

Cloud ascended the dark stairs slowly, feeling his way up with one hand on the banister. He knew that this was upsetting Tifa, and he'd considered moving Kadaj somewhere else; but there really wasn't anyone else who could care for him, and he was too sick to be moved.

He remembered bringing Kadaj up here himself, recalled climbing these stairs with the boy in his arms, marvelling at how light he seemed.

After he had awoken in the Church, and helped to heal the remaining sick of their Geostigma, Red XIII had drawn him aside into an adjoining room and shown him Kadaj's body.

"I don't know exactly what happened, but here's what we saw from the airship," Red had said in his low, gentle voice. "After you captured Sephiroth with your sword, and the boy fell to the roof, we saw something leave him as you held him. It was like black smoke. I think it was whatever was joining his spirit with that of Sephiroth. It looked a bit like the Lifestream, and we thought he must have died, but when we went to pick you up after his brothers shot you, Yuffie noticed he was still alive. His brothers are dead, rejoined the Lifestream after the explosion."

"He's alive?" asked Cloud. His eyes never left Kadaj's prone body the whole time Red was speaking.

"Yes. I don't know how long that will be true, and I'm not sure whether conventional medicine will help or hurt him. We knew you would want us to rescue him, so we did. Tifa says she will look after him at the Seventh Heaven until he awakes, so I think we should get him there quickly."

Cloud had nodded once and carefully scooped the other boy into his arms again, lifting him up with ease and carrying him from the Church through the slums to the bar.

Where he had been for almost two weeks now, unconscious and in Tifa's care. To her credit she was an excellent nurse to him, though she made no secret of the fact that she hated him. Barrett had also expressed reservations at the situation, given that Kadaj had taken Marlene hostage, but Cloud's status as unquestioned leader of the group quietened any real hostility. Marlene, for her part, had assisted enthusiastically in the day to day care of Kadaj's sleeping form, checking his temperature, breathing and pulse with a sure touch and efficiency that would have put many professionals to shame. She had helped bathe and dress his minor cuts and abrasions neatly and cleanly, leaving Tifa wondering whether her future career lay in nursing.

Cloud had overheard Tifa asking Marlene once, "But he tried to hurt you, and Denzel. Why do you want to help him get well? No-one would blame you if you didn't want to."

"I know," Marlene had replied. "But he didn't really know what he was doing. It was that Sephiroth man inside him making him do all those things. I don't hate him. I think Denzel might, though," added the little girl sadly.

It was true that Denzel seemed to dislike having Kadaj at the bar as much as Tifa did, and would not speak about him or acknowledge that he was there at all. It seemed as if he was only putting up with the young man's presence because he knew Cloud had requested it.

Now, as Cloud pushed open the door of the room where Kadaj lay, he saw that the silver haired boy was sitting up again, as Tifa had said, and was staring at the window. Cloud wondered why, because it was dark outside and the blinds covered the window.

"Kadaj?"

He turned to Cloud, his expression showing nothing.

"You're Cloud."

Cloud nodded.

"Tifa said you'd want to talk to me."

"I do."

With that, and at a nod of acquiescence from Kadaj, Cloud crossed the room and sat in the same chair Tifa had used earlier.

"Do you remember anything at all?"

Kadaj gave a little laugh. It had no humour in it.

"My name," he said. "And Tifa mentioned Sephiroth. I recognise that name, and I don't like it. I don't know what he did to me, but I know it wasn't good."

"You carried him in you, like a seed. And then that seed began to grow, and it overtook you. You caused his rebirth, and with it almost the end of the world. He used you, like a puppet."

Kadaj sat silently for a moment, presumably digesting this.

"So he was controlling me?"

"Yes. But if you think to escape responsibility, you can think again."

Kadaj's storm grey eyes flashed at him.

"You _do_ remember then," said Cloud, unsurprised. Kadaj had been lying since he had come in, had obviously remembered the events prior to his sojourn at the bar after Tifa had left him.

"I do now. And make no mistake, Cloud, Sephiroth may have wished it but I _wanted_ to do those things."

"I'm aware of that. No mere puppet could have acted with such joy as you did. You enjoyed what you did, and even right at the end, after Sephiroth was destroyed you still tried to kill me, even though you knew everything was lost. It was an act of revenge, or it would have been if you or your brothers had succeeded."

"Why didn't you kill me?" Hissed Kadaj, his eyes narrowed.

"Honestly? Because I didn't have time. Your brother shot me before I had a chance."

"Liar," said Kadaj. "You wouldn't have killed me even if Yazoo hadn't shot you."

Cloud stood suddenly. "You know, you're right. I hate you so much I let you live. Why don't you think about that?" With that he re-crossed the room and left, leaving Kadaj alone with his thoughts.

It made no sense! Why hadn't they killed him? Tifa had been right about that, if the situations had been reversed he certainly wouldn't have let Cloud live. It would have been far too dangerous. Kadaj hated loose ends, and he couldn't understand people who didn't seem to mind them. Weren't they afraid he'd try again?

To talk of mercy was ridiculous. It was a pathetic back door that only cowards who were afraid to kill made use of.

And yet... Cloud had killed Loz, and Yazoo. Had he more respect for them than for Kadaj? Did he think Kadaj a coward? Did he mean to teach him some kind of sanctimonious lesson? Kadaj suspected that this might be the case. Cloud most likely thought Kadaj might learn something from all this, and mend his wicked ways. Huh.

His mind clicking and whirring like a well oiled machine, Kadaj began to plan.

Cloud wasn't angry at Kadaj. He was saddened by the boy's refusal to believe that people did nice things for each other sometimes, even if the person in question didn't deserve it, and wouldn't be grateful for it. Perhaps if he stayed here for long enough he might come to understand it.

He reached the bottom of the stairs almost to bump into Tifa, who was on her way to bed.

"Was he awake?" she asked.

Cloud nodded. "And he remembers now." Tifa raised her eyebrows. "What's he like?"

"Ungrateful. Spiteful. Selfish."

"There's a surprise."

Cloud looked at her sharply. "Are you happy now that you've said 'I told you so'? I didn't do it because I thought he'd thank me. I did it because I knew he wouldn't."

With that he left the bar, not slamming the door behind him, but not troubling to close it quietly either. Tifa stood on the darkened steps and stared after him, the tears that had deserted her earlier starting now in her eyes.

The next morning Tifa came into Kadaj's room without knocking, and wordlessly crossed the room to set a tray on the table beside the bed. She turned then to the window and threw open the curtains, letting the sunlight fall right across his face, making him start and wake suddenly.

At his noise of feeble protest her jaw tightened.

"Your breakfast's on the tray. I'll leave the door open so you can call me if you want help with anything."

He watched her stalk from the room, a slow smile spreading across his face. Perfect. And he hadn't even had to try.

Over the course of the day Kadaj made sure he was as much of a nuisance to Tifa as he could muster. He called her in three times before lunch, only to tell her once she got there that it was okay, he could manage on his own now. Finally, exasperated, she decided he was well enough to be dressed and out of bed, and proceeded to throw the coverlet off him and forcibly dress him.

It was only after she'd made up her mind and begun to act that she realised that this would mean removing the pants. But, with the efficiency of a nurse she shut the door in case Marlene or Denzel should walk past, stripped Kadaj and began to dress him, fully aware that he was smirking at her the whole time and waiting for her to blush.

She did not. It annoyed him, so he opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

"You can't embarrass me Kadaj, so don't try. Remember that you're the one who's naked here, not me. Give me your foot."

Finally, fully dressed and a little sore (Tifa had not been particularly gentle, not that he had expected her to be) he sat on the edge of the bed, and prepared to stand.

When he did, he was amazed and more than a little shaken to find himself on the floor.

Tifa watched him stand and crumple, and reluctantly bent to help him up. Even she was surprised by his weakness, and it had obviously frightened him; she caught his expression before he could conceal it and he looked scared. Which meant it was genuine, she supposed, and not designed to irritate her. Well, that made a change. She helped him to the chair and sat him in it, leaving him to face the window. She opened the blinds so he could see out, and left him to it.

_It was easier when he was unconscious_, she thought uncharitably as she went back down the stairs.

Although it had left him shaken, his fall had told him something important. He would not be able to manage on his own, perhaps for some time; this meant he had more time for the next part of his plan. This was all to the good, as it was not something he could afford to rush. He waited.


	2. Chapter 2

By: Mad Mary Kidd

Pairings: Cloud + Kadaj

Warnings: Shonen ai, kissing, unrequited het, angst

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, or Advent Children or any of it's associated companies or anything. I don't make any money off this, I do it cos I'm a rabid fangirl and I lurrrve it.

Intro: After AC, but Kadaj releases Sephiroth's spirit from his body instead of dying at the end. And I know Kadaj's eyes are green, not grey, but I just fell in love with the phrase "storm grey eyes", and "storm green eyes" just isn't the same. Poetic licence?

Given The Chance, Part II

Cloud eventually arrived, although it was evening and Kadaj was beginning to get tired. Still, this presented an opportunity that was too good to pass up.

"How do you feel today?" asked Cloud, as he sat on the bed opposite Kadaj, who was still in his chair.

"Better. My head's not so painful. Tifa's been looking after me."

"I know. She doesn't like you, you know."

Kadaj raised a wry eyebrow. "I'm aware of that," said Kadaj, studying his hands. He allowed his uninjured hand to snake up and touch his collarbone, wincing a little as he did so. Cloud noticed the movement and watched him for a moment. As Kadaj rubbed at his collarbone a fresh cut became visible under the collar of his top.

"Where did you get that?" Asked Cloud, nodding at the injury.

"Hmm? Oh, It's nothing. Probably just an old wound opened up when..." He stopped, flicking his grey eyes nervously at Cloud's face and away.

"When what?"

"I - I fell. This morning."

"How?" Cloud stood up and went over, pushing Kadaj's hand out of the way, the better to see the injury. It was bleeding sluggishly into the top, and had been for a while; the top was black so Cloud hadn't seen it in the dim light.

"I told you, it doesn't matter."

"You must have gotten a pretty bad knock. This is a couple of weeks old now."

Kadaj allowed himself to shiver a little when Cloud's fingers brushed against his skin, but otherwise did not react. The movement was not lost on Cloud.

"I'm going to get something to bathe and dress this with, and you're going to tell me how you fell," he said. He was leaning in to see the injury, which looked nasty; and then Kadaj turned his head. Suddenly they were close, too close; close enough to share breath and Kadaj's grey eyes were locked with his.

After a moment (too long, too long) Cloud abruptly turned away. "I'll be back in a minute."

_He's manipulating you, you know he is. I don't know why, but he is. He wants something, but I have no idea what. Is he trying to get between me and Tifa? Ha. As if there was anything between us to ruin._

_What if I_ want _to be manipulated?_

Cloud returned with a bowl of warm water, some cotton wool and gauze and a medicated dressing. He did not look at Kadaj, but simply pulled up another chair and sat next to him but facing the other way, that he might reach the wound better.

He stared at Kadaj's shoulder for a second, before he heard himself say, "You'll have to take that off. It's covered in blood now anyway."

Kadaj did not move for a moment, but then began by plucking uselessly at the hem of the top. Cloud prayed he wouldn't ask, but soon Kadaj spoke.

"Would you help me please?"

Cloud nodded once, and stood up again to help the other out of the top, navigating his cast and dislocated shoulder and trying not to brush too much against his warm skin. He was surprised at how warm Kadaj was, when he always looked so cold. He tried to imagine it was someone else, anyone else, but the reality would not let him go. This was _Kadaj._ He willed his body not to react, to keep his mind on the job in hand, but it was becoming difficult already and he'd hardly even touched him yet.

"How did you fall?" He asked, more to distract himself from what he was seeing than anything else.

Kadaj sighed unhappily. "Don't be angry, _niisan_. It was my fault. Tifa was helping me get dressed and I slipped. I must have hit something on the way down."

"Didn't she see you were hurt?"

Kadaj shifted uncomfortably. "Well," he began. "I told you it was my fault. I was being awkward. Making it difficult for her."

"So she ignored your injury, and let you bleed like this?" Cloud finally looked up at Kadaj's face now, into his eyes. Kadaj looked away from him, and bit his lip.

They said nothing for a while after that, so Cloud was able to work in silence, gently bathing the wound. Every now and again Kadaj would wince a little if Cloud's fingers probed a little too deeply into the cut, and Cloud would pause and pull back a little way.

Finally the wound was cleaned and dressed, and Cloud came to realise that he was reluctant to leave.

"I'll talk to Tifa," he said as he stood up.

"Oh, no, _niisan_, please don't," begged Kadaj, his clear grey eyes pleading. He reached out with his good arm and caught at Cloud's fingers with his own. "I don't want to be any more trouble. Please."

Cloud looked down at where his fingers were entwined with Kadaj's, and without meaning to, he squeezed them.

"I'm sorry," said Kadaj abruptly, apropos of nothing, and cutting off Cloud's train of thought. "For yesterday. I know I was being a pain. I was just..." He stopped. "No. No more excuses. I was being a brat. I should have been more grateful. You saved my life, Cloud."

Cloud watched his expression, his open face, waiting for the slightest change; he was surprised when there was none. He could admit to himself that he found Kadaj extremely attractive, and that his thoughts were, ha, clouded when he was around him. But he still knew not to trust the silver haired terror as far as he could throw Barrett. Was Kadaj changing? Could he? Was Cloud willing to stake his failing friendship with Tifa on the word of a convicted liar?

Tifa.

She wanted something from Cloud that it just wasn't in him to give. He had tried to kid himself into believing that she just wanted to be his friend, but there had been a few moments over the last few months that he knew full well were engineered. Each time he had politely removed himself from within kissing distance, and each time had seen the fleeting hurt on her pretty face. Perhaps she thought he was shy, or trying to be a gentleman. He knew that the time was approaching when he would have to tell her, and that would mean telling everyone else. This was at least partly why he'd been spending so much time away from Midgar, and Edge, the town that had grown up around Midgar's ruins after Meteor hit, and where Tifa's new Seventh Heaven bar was situated.

He came to himself, realising he'd been woolgathering, to feel Kadaj's cool, amused gaze on him. Their fingers were still twined together, so Cloud gently pulled his hand away.

"You went away just then, _niisan_, where did you go?" asked Kadaj softly.

Cloud ignored Kadaj's almost amused tone and turned to leave.

"Unless you need anything...?"

There was a pause. Cloud didn't dare look back.

"... I'm fine, thankyou."

His hands trembling, Cloud let himself out of the room.

Kadaj watched the door close behind him with a sense of deep satisfaction. This was going to be easier than he'd thought! All the groundwork had been laid for him, all he had to do was reach out and _twist_...

Really, it hardly felt like work at all.

After a few days of this, though, Kadaj was growing impatient. Patience had never been one of his strong points, and up to now he'd never really needed any. Cloud moved so slowly, for one whose intentions were crystal clear. He was probably trying to prolong it for as long as possible, thought Kadaj sourly. He's never wanted anyone who wanted him back, he probably wants to enjoy it.

Even so Kadaj was reluctant to be the one to make the move. If this was to be the most effective, Cloud had to be the one to initiate things. If it came to it, the other way around would do; but he wanted this to be perfect. Perhaps he could turn up the heat a little, encourage Cloud's libido...

In the meantime he contented himself with being as irritating to Tifa as he could possibly manage, which he could do without really even trying. It gave him a twisted sense of satisfaction to know that he irritated someone that much just by being there. A few times when she glared at him, he could _feel_ the thought of murder crossing her mind. He would have to tone that down a little, or she'd kill him while he slept, and that would never do.

Finally a night came when Cloud visited before Tifa had come up to grudgingly help Kadaj back into his night clothes.

"Are you feeling better?"

Kadaj nodded, smiling graciously. "Much, thankyou."

"Tifa said you were better behaved today."

"I've been trying to keep from annoying her too much. And my arm feels better, so I'm not so fractious."

Was that a smile, or did Kadaj's eyes deceive him?

"Good," said Cloud, not allowing Kadaj time to wonder. "Listen, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Yes?" asked Kadaj innocently.

"You have to think about what you want to do when you get better," said Cloud. Kadaj could _hear_ his own heart sinking. "I mean, I'd say you could stay here but I think Tifa would sooner you didn't. And you'll need a job, some way of supporting yourself."

"I hadn't thought about it," said Kadaj, totally honestly. "There isn't really anything I know how to do."

"Well, think about it. Think about your skills, and the kind of use you could put them to."

Kadaj could hear the doors of the Seventh Heaven closing behind the last of the customers downstairs, and his hopes began to rise.

"Okay. I will." _I could always be a contract killer,_ he thought, but did not voice this. _Ha, or a salesman_. He yawned hugely at this point, squeezing his eyes closed and covering his mouth with his good hand. "I'm sorry," he said apologetically. "I was walking around a little today, and it tired me out."

Cloud stood up to leave. "I'll let you go to bed then," he said, and turned to go.

"Cloud?"

He stopped, hearing the different note in Kadaj's voice. He turned back, slowly, to see the other rising out of his chair.

"I wonder... would you mind? It's just I still can't undress with this stupid thing on - " he indicated the cast on his arm - "and I don't want to bother Tifa again tonight."

He could see the different emotions warring within Cloud, and decided to take a gamble.

"Please?" He asked, stretching his good arm over his head, cat-like, so that the hem of his top rode up revealing the flat planes of his torso.

Cloud hesitated, and then nodded once.

Charming Loz or Yazoo into bed had been easy. Not that he would have had to rely on charm; he could have ordered them and they would have done it. But he liked to let them believe there was an element of choice involved on their part. They were always more pliable if they thought they could have said no. All he'd had to do was expose a little flesh and they were falling all over themselves - he'd had them on the verge of fighting each other for him once. That had been good; he could hardly think of it even now without a surge of arrogant pride.

But Loz and Yazoo had been stupid; good hired muscle, but for all Yazoo's quietness and Loz's tears they were still no more than thugs. Kadaj was the one with the brains, and sometimes he had grown tired of having no-one on his intellectual level to talk to. For all they were his clones, his brothers, he felt as distant from them sometimes as the moon. In other circumstances he would have quite enjoyed spending time with Cloud, and he felt a small pang of regret that they would never get to know each other better. Cloud was as smart as Kadaj, and would not allow him to get away with things like the other two would have; Kadaj felt a kind of grudging admiration for him because of that. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if Cloud's libido were not making his judgement a bit more hazy than it would normally have been, it would be impossible to manipulate him like this. He was extremely fortunate to already have Cloud's preferences and interest on his side.

And the timing now was absolutely crucial. He had a few minutes, but he was still having to act faster than he would have liked; and if Cloud refused to take his cues there would be nothing for it but to await another suitable opportunity. And Kadaj didn't know when he would get another chance like this.

As Cloud crossed the room Kadaj turned away from him, and gestured to the knot of his sling, which rested at the back of his neck. "Would you undo that please? I can't reach it."

With gentle fingers he untied the knot, surprised all over again at how warm Kadaj's skin seemed. Just like before, he had sort of assumed he would be cool to the touch, almost reptilian; he supposed it was the other's colouring that made him look so cold - his pale skin and silver hair made him seem made of ice. But contrarily Kadaj was warm, and his skin so soft...

Just barely Cloud was able to stop himself kissing the back of Kadaj's neck. As it was, the sling had been digging into him all day and had left an angry red welt, which Cloud could not stop himself easing by rubbing it. Kadaj's head turned a little, but he made no move to stop him. After a moment he sighed contentedly and stretched, catlike, flexing his good shoulder and wincing when he moved the other one.

"I think you might have done more to that than just popped it out of joint," said Cloud. "It shouldn't be hurting now. You might have torn the muscle."

"Will you take a look at it?" Asked Kadaj. "While you're here."

He was surprised and pleased when he felt Cloud take him by the hips and physically turn him around, and could not prevent himself from smiling. Cloud took hold of the hem of Kadaj's top, manipulating it carefully up his body and past his injured shoulder, before easing it over his head and off. Kadaj realised suddenly that Cloud was taller than him; it would normally have annoyed him a little but for now it suited his purpose, so he made sure Cloud noticed it too by ducking his head a little and looking up at him.

When Kadaj looked at him Cloud felt a wave of protectiveness sweep over him for reasons he couldn't fathom. Without meaning to, he reached up with one hand to touch the bandage he'd placed on Kadaj's collarbone a few days ago.

"I could take a look at that while I'm here, too," he heard himself say. Kadaj nodded his acquiescence, blinked once languidly. Cloud watched with an almost detached interest as his fingers pulled gently at the edge of the tape that held the pad to the wound. He peeled it back and looked at the cut. It was healing fine, so he took the bandage off and folded it over. He stepped away from Kadaj and crossed the room to throw the bandage away, obscurely glad to be away from him for a minute. It was so hard to breathe when he was that close to him.

He approached Kadaj again at last, seeing with the distance between them that the shoulder was still swollen. It looked sore, no wonder Kadaj needed help dressing. Cloud guessed the weight of the cast wasn't helping matters either. The skin was angry and red, so Cloud touched it with gentle fingers. He saw Kadaj bite his lip, but the boy made no sound. Cloud knew it was painful, and also that there wasn't anything he could do for the moment, so he reluctantly drew away.

"Was it you?" asked Kadaj, softly, breaking the quietness.

Cloud frowned. "Was what me?"

Kadaj looked down demurely at the floor. "Before. When I was unconscious. Was it you who changed my clothes?"

If Cloud had been given to blushing he would have done it now. As it was, he looked away, his jaw tightening. "Yeah."

He glanced up into clear grey eyes as he felt a touch on his arm.

"Thankyou."

"...You're welcome."

Kadaj did not remove his hand; he seemed to be expecting something.

_Damn you, take the hint!_ Kadaj could hear Tifa moving around downstairs; he knew she wouldn't be long. He had only to open the floodgates - once he had done that, Cloud would do the rest. If only he wasn't so _dense_! Kadaj moved slowly closer, his hand still loosely on Cloud's arm. He tilted his face upward to make things easy if Cloud should happen to want to, oh, kiss him, for example, and was rewarded with Cloud's warm breath on his mouth. They traded the air for a moment, back and forth, and Kadaj suddenly realised, in that short second, that he actually _wanted_ Cloud to kiss him.

Not like before, when he'd had a single aim in mind. He wanted Cloud to kiss him because he wanted _Cloud_. In that split second he knew that everything had changed, and for Cloud to kiss him now would be the worst thing that could happen. As he realised this it was too late - Cloud had covered his mouth with his own, and at the same time the door opened noiselessly to reveal Tifa.

_I know there's some other reason for this. I know you're manipulating me, using me for something; you can't possibly want me for_ me. _But I'm so cold and lonely and I know I'm walking into a trap but I don't care. Goddamn it, it feels so_ good.

A hand flew to her mouth; she was too shocked to breathe. Cloud hadn't heard her come in, she guessed. All she could do was stand there and watch the man she loved most in the world kiss the man she hated most. It seemed monstrously unfair; if she had lost him to anyone else she thought she could have borne it, eventually. But as it was, she felt her heart shatter into a million brittle, glittering shards.

_This is exactly what you wanted. Exactly what you planned for, what you engineered. Your plan came off without a hitch. Congratulations. Now she'll kill you, just like you wanted. _

_Are you satisfied, now that you've willingly thrown away your last remaining chance at happiness, before you even knew what it was?_

This isn't what I wanted.

When Cloud put a hand to Kadaj's waist and shifted his feet to find a better angle, Tifa knew that this was it. Kadaj wasn't forcing him to do anything; Cloud wanted this. She couldn't hold it back any longer - the tears sprang into her eyes and she hitched in a breath. Cloud's head whipped around.

"Tifa - "

Worse than the cool, expressionless grey eyes of Kadaj was the look of pity in Cloud's blue ones. After what she had just seen it was more than she could bear, and she fled down the stairs, through the bar and out the door into the night.

"I have to go after her," said Cloud distractedly. "Make her understand. I never meant to hurt her. She means so much to me..."

"I meant to hurt her," whispered Kadaj.

"What?"

When Kadaj met his gaze, his grey eyes were frightened. "I meant to hurt her. I was using you to make her hate me. I wanted her to kill me."

Kadaj had never felt remorse in his whole life, and the expression he saw cross Cloud's features now broke his heart. It was the resigned expression of one whose worst fear had been confirmed.

"Cloud..." he began.

"Don't."

With that, Cloud went after Tifa. He paused briefly at the door.

"It wouldn't have worked. She hates you, but she would never kill anyone in cold blood. Your mistake lay in believing that everyone is like you, the way you used to be."

Kadaj slumped back into the chair. He had thought he might cry, like Loz used to; instead he just felt numb. He stared out of the window, and didn't move a muscle until dawn.

Cloud searched all night, but he never found Tifa.

He returned to the bar at around nine the next morning to find Barrett in the kitchen making coffee.

"Did you find her?" he asked. Cloud shook his head. "No sign."

Barrett offered Cloud a mug of steaming brew; the bitter scent refreshed him and brought him back to full consciousness. He accepted it gratefully. "What are you doing here anyway? How did you know what happened?"

"Got a call around five this morning. I' was Kadaj. He tole me Tifa had gone and that he needed someone to look after the kids. I came round and he tole me everything. Was all I could do not to kill him."

Cloud stared at the floor. "He told you everything?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah. Look, Cloud, it's nothing to be ashamed of, okay? It wa'n't yo' fault. He put some kind of magic on you, seduced you - "

"Is that what he said?"

"Yeah. Ain't that what happened?"

So Kadaj had attempted to give Cloud a get out clause. To make out that Cloud had been under some kind of influence, that Kadaj had forced himself on Cloud. If he accepted this, this gift, it would still only be a matter of time. And it wouldn't make him love Tifa, not the way she wanted him to.

"No," said Cloud, after a pause. "I let him do that."

Barrett put his mug on the counter, unable to believe his own ears. "You what? Why?"

"I was lonely."

"But Tifa..."

"There's nothing between me and Tifa, and there never will be. I love her because she's my oldest friend, but I can't be what she wants. I don't... I can't go that way."

There was a long pause. Cloud had himself half convinced that Barrett would kill him where he stood for hurting Tifa, but finally Barrett spoke.

"You queer."

"Yeah."

"You shoulda tole her."

"I know. I never meant for this to happen. I knew he was manipulating me, but I thought he meant to hurt me, not Tifa. If I'd known that I would never have let him do what he did. I didn't mean for her to find out like this."

"It ain't me you should be tellin'. An' you should have more self respec'. It ain't okay for people to be hurtin' Tifa, a'right, bu' it ain't okay to let people hurt you either."

"I know. I'll talk to Tifa when she comes back, if she'll listen."

"Good," said Barrett. "Look, I ain't mad at you, 'kay? But I can't promise she won't kill you."

Cloud nodded. "Kadaj's gone, then," he said after a while.

"Yeah. Hey, Cloud?"

He looked up.

"You love him?"

It was a long time before Cloud answered.

"Given the chance, I think I could have."

OWARI


End file.
